A Love Letter To My Network Carrier

Dear Globacom,

I am cantankerous. This is the third week since you left completely for the first time in four years. What gnaws at my gut most nights was my own oblivion. One moment, I was lost in your warm, fun embrace and the next you’ve slipped out on me like watery catarrh would come off a child’s nose. I blame my hostel for your absence and Abeokuta wasn’t excluded from my blame game and this further fuels my anger. I should thank God for your absence and just utilize the time to focus on the humongous curriculum these lecturers have dumped on me, but I can’t! To stop thinking of the void you’ve left is to try pulling a blood-sucking leech from my jugular vein. That stuff hurts like hell!

I tried, I turned to every corner of my room, seeking your presence but my thoughts kept revolving ’round “You’re just wasting your time, girrrl!”. Your absence shouldn’t have hurt this much but you took along with you, my social life. “Where have you been?”, all my friends would ask when they eventually see me. I can’t bring myself to explain how my social life had followed you like flies to honey. They would only tell me to get over you and find another ‘one’. Only I knew how draining that change would be so I decided not to give up hope on your return.

I turned to literature and school work to occupy my extra time but boring classes only make it easier for you to creep back into my mind. I would try to reach out to you in these long, boring classes but the futility of this process would only shred my nerves further. And I didn’t even know that yet. I would walk out in the darkest part of the night just to seek you and you only hand out bits and bits of yourself. I wonder if you’ve heard of the Chinese punishment that was used back in the day to rid prisoners of their sanity. And I was gradually losing mine.

Finally, you rewarded my patience on a dark, silent night and spent hours with me. These hours felt short but I basked in it, nevertheless. Sleep threatened to envelope me but your presence was intoxicating. I mean, love is blind shey? I eventually gave way to the subtle caresses of sleep and I watched through my dumbbell-heavy eyelids, as you slipped away, again. I had no idea of the magnitude of my anger until it blew up in my face. I needed you urgently and you deserted me in my time of need. So I decided that I was done.

Screw my social life! Screw your intoxication! Screw the draining that comes with that change, and finally, Screw you!!

Even Kraks TV picked up on your hoe-like disappearances and your scheme to rid people of their sanity. You need to live up to your name, be “Global”, else I am porting to a better network and I freaking mean it!